My Bed

8 years ago, before we had kids, when I was pregnant with my first child, I KNEW what kind of parent I was going to be. I knew how I would feed them, discipline them, educate them, and play with them. I knew I would not let MY kids control me. I would not be that mom who needed everyone to be quiet because the baby was sleeping. I was not going to have any problems listening to my baby cry if he didn't want to sleep in his crib. My kids would be well behaved and very loved. I would NEVER raise my hand or my voice to them. Our lives wouldn't be different, we'd just have a baby in it. We would be the perfect family.

Then my son was born....and EVERYTHING I ever thought was changed. Nursing was hard. More than that, it was downright excrutiating but I persevered and it got better, great actually. My son spit up everything, I was always changing our clothes. I was miserable even though I was so in love with my little bundle. And sleeping...hah! My son would only sleep in my arms, and I couldn't bear to hear his cries when I laid him down. I swore my kids would sleep in their own rooms from the beginning. But that is not what happened. I wanted my little boy as close to me as possible, at all times. So we c0-slept. When he was 5 months old, we upgraded to a king sized bed (we had to make room for the 2 cats and greyhound too!).

Eventually my son moved to his own room and his own crib. When my second son was born, I swore I would not make the same mistakes and THIS one would sleep in his own room. Yeah, didn't happen, once he was born, I couldn't put him down either (my choice, not his this time) And again, the third time around, the same thing happened.

Bryce was diagnosed when my youngest son was only 6 months old. Because he was sleeping with me at night, my husband took over the night time blood sugar checks, not wanting to disturb the sleeping baby in my arms. Almost 2 years later, my husband still does the night check because many times, there is a toddler in my arms. The rule is that my son has to start the night off in his bed then after we turn our lights out, he can come in. He usually makes it into our room between 12:30 and 2am. Many nights, I can't fall asleep until he comes in and snuggles with me. But that is still not when I sleep my best...

Like other Dmoms, I never sleep peacefully because part of my mind is worrying about my son with diabetes who sleeps down the hall (and at 2am, their room seems like its an eternity away!). I have one ear to the baby monitor, listening for movement, alarms from Dex, anything that will give me an idea of the status of my sweetest boy. Some nights, Bryce will come into our room and climb into our bed. Those nights, I don't worry. I wrap my arms around him, I feel him breathing, I feel his heart beating right by mine, I know he is okay. I may not be sleeping well because I am sandwiched between two boys, usually with the little one on top of me. But I love these nights. Part of me wishes I could have Bryce sleep with me every night.