I am sick of this weather! I am sick of how everything is turning green (and I don't mean the things that are supposed to be green like the trees,etc. but things like the roof, the driveway, our car) I am sick of the mud, sick of jackets, sweat pants, rain boots.
Gloomy and depressing.
This appointment snuck up on me. I can't believe it had been 3 months already.
We were running late. I couldn't find parking. When I finally found a spot, I hear "MOM, I feel LooooWWW!" coming from the backseat. We are already late and I really just want to run up to the doctor's office (afterall, Dex says 79 and straight) But seeing Bryce's limp body try to get out of the minivan, I stop and test him. 49. CRAP! 2 glucose tabs and we make our way to the clinic. Late but we made it.
I feel like giving up....what is the point?? No matter how hard we analyze his numbers, we just can't get it right. He gets a cold and his numbers raise, he recovers and we can't get his numbers high enough. One day he is bouncing off the walls, the next he is building with Legos or reading all day. Even if he did the same thing each day, ate the same foods, did everything identical...it STILL would not be predictable!!
My head hurts. I can't think straight anymore. I think all my brain cells have retired. I swear, I used to be really smart. I excelled in math and science. Now my head is filled with carb counts, bg numbers, trends, insulin to carb ratios, basal rates, glycemic indexes, combo boluses, meal times...and it is getting all jumbled so NOTHING is making sense.
Excuse my blank stare.
What I need is a vacation. But of course THAT won't happen because we have a child with D....nobody wants to take on that responsibility for us. It makes me sad. Very sad...and ENVIOUS of those that can get away (those that really don't NEED to get away but CAN, so they do.)
So our A1c increases but the endo has no changes to make. He feels we are in the range we need to be for a boy his age...under 8.5%. But that isn't good enough for me. I want him to look at our logs and say, "YES, you need to change this and this" and voila, all is perfect! The "good job" and pat on the back just isn't cutting it...I am not buying it.
What to do now?